Breaking Free from Triggers: Parenting, Healing, and Building Stronger Marriages
Parenthood has a way of bringing out both the best and hardest parts of ourselves. I noticed it about several years ago when I found myself triggered by my son’s completely normal, age-appropriate behaviors. Things like crying, tantrums, or moments of big emotions, completely overwhelmed me! I found myself questioning if I was a good mother because I would get so frustrated with my son.
On the surface, it looked like my frustration was with him. But deep down, I knew the problem wasn’t my child, it was me. And that was the moment I went to therapy…Because I could not allow my past trauma to rule my parenting!
Anytime our reaction feels bigger than the moment calls for, that’s a clue we’re being triggered by something deeper.
For me, the real trigger went all the way back to my childhood. One day in my therapy session my therapist reflected back…”No wonder you are frustrated…it’s because you were a parent before!” At 13 years old, I became what therapists call a parentified child. My mother had schizophrenia, which made for an extremely chaotic childhood. I had to take on adult responsibility as a child: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, budgeting, taking care of myself, taking myself to and from school and making sure I stayed on the straight and narrow. Childhood ended early for me, and I carried unknown resentment and sadness for years because of it.
Fast forward to when I became a mom, suddenly those unresolved wounds resurfaced. Parenting felt harder than it should, and I realized my frustration wasn’t really about my kids at all. It was about my past.
That’s where therapy, especially EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), became life-changing. EMDR helps take those old triggers, whether from childhood, marriage, or family and reduce their emotional charge until they no longer control you. Over time, I found myself calmer, less reactive, and more able to show up as the kind of mom (and wife) I wanted to be.
And here’s the beautiful part: when we do this healing work as individuals, it doesn’t just impact us. It ripples outward to our marriages and to our children. A healthier you becomes a healthier spouse and a stronger parent.
Why This Matters for Couples
Many individuals, couples and families come to us because they feel stuck in cycles of frustration, whether around parenting, communication, or unresolved pain. Often, what feels like a “marriage problem” is actually two people carrying unhealed wounds from their past.
This is why Jared and I created our Marriage Intensive Retreats. They’re a space for couples to step away from daily life, get the tools to break painful cycles, and heal deeply both individually and together.
If you’ve been longing for a healthier marriage and a more peaceful home for your children, this might be your next step.
👉 Book your free call today to learn if this intensive is right for you.